7 months.

How my life would be so much different if my precious boy was here today. I thought it would be easier by now but as usual it has only gotten worse. My life is in such disarray. My marriage is probably over and life just doesn't seem to have the same meaning anymore. Whatever I have done bad in the past I think I have atoned for my actions by now. How much pain is a person supposed to take? My husband has informed me that he does not want anymore children. I take this to mean that he didn't want our precious boy either. I find I can't look at him without hate and resentment anymore. So my journey to conceive will be coming to an end and it feels like my life is going with it. I just can't seem to be able to find a way to heal the pain. When will this nightmare be over. I always think it can't get any worse and then it does.. It has been 7 months since my loss. Had he been born when he should have been and survived he would probably be just starting to eat pablum. I took out some of his clothes yesterday to just hold them and I just can't accept that this is it for me.