The journey of TTC

Well it has been over 5 months now since I lost my son. First off, let me say that I would not wish what I went through on my worse enemy. I feel like I have aged yet another 10 years. I have decided that I will try to have another baby. I guess I took it for granted that I would get pregnant right away, yet here I am still trying. My desire to have another baby is not to replace my son but having lost him I know that having a baby at this stage in my life is what is needed. My days are consumed with conception thoughts and I worry that my maternal life will be over with this tragic ending. I think I need to prove that I can do it right. I am told that there will be a lesson learned form this. What possible lesson is there?